dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize