Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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