So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
