In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
