I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
