Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
