i permit you to call me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
