think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize