Welp...herpes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
