sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize