How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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