Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm always down for nudity.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
