oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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