Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
