the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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