Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
