i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize