He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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