And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
