It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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