oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
