He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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