Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
