it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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