would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
