oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
