He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
