i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
