i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
