Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
