Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My dick has a subreddit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
