i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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