the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
