too bad you live with your parents still
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
