Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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