they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
