i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
