Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
