Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
