Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
