What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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