remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
