Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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