There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
