i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cannot find my penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize