im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In other news, I just burned my penis
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
