she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
