But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
