Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
