I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize