Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
