i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
