Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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