I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize