No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
