Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
