Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
