We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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