We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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