Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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