She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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