Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
