yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize