Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
