omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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